Is there any reason the object comprehensions can't be rewritten from:

    ages = (function() {
      __a = []; __b = years_old;
      for (child in __b) {
        age = __b[child];
        if (__hasProp.call(__b, child)) {
          __a.push(child + " is " + age);
        }
      }
      return __a;
    }).call(this);

to:

    ages = (function() {
      __a = []; __b = years_old;
      for (child in __b) if (__hasProp.call(__b, child)) {
        age = __b[child];
        __a.push(child + " is " + age);
      }
      return __a;
    }).call(this);

It's fairly minor but saves a few assignments and generates slightly less noise.