I experience something similar, but not to the same extent. Nevertheless, hopefully this will be helpful.
I have a desire to succeed, to invent, to solve highly difficult problems, much like you, and it becomes an obsession. And, too, this coincide with an over-estimation of my ability to perform such. I believe this is so I will continue to try to solve such lofty problems.
But eventually the steam which powered that over-estimation runs out. And then I hate, because of my lack of success, myself to the same extent as I over-estimated myself. And this is no way to live. And this whole process comes down to one thing: my initial desire to succeed, to solve such difficult problems.
The more I look at my thoughts, where they came from, I realise this desire to succeed comes from my belief others will only value me if I succeed in such a way. When I imagine solving such problems, I always imagine other people, telling other people I've done this, and gaining their approval.
I have only a vague idea when I started to believe that I would only be a valued human being if I solve these problems that no-one else has. But this is where my bipolar cycle started. And it will only end when I remove this pernicious idea from my mind, which will require a lot of introspection.
I have a desire to succeed, to invent, to solve highly difficult problems, much like you, and it becomes an obsession. And, too, this coincide with an over-estimation of my ability to perform such. I believe this is so I will continue to try to solve such lofty problems.
But eventually the steam which powered that over-estimation runs out. And then I hate, because of my lack of success, myself to the same extent as I over-estimated myself. And this is no way to live. And this whole process comes down to one thing: my initial desire to succeed, to solve such difficult problems.
The more I look at my thoughts, where they came from, I realise this desire to succeed comes from my belief others will only value me if I succeed in such a way. When I imagine solving such problems, I always imagine other people, telling other people I've done this, and gaining their approval.
I have only a vague idea when I started to believe that I would only be a valued human being if I solve these problems that no-one else has. But this is where my bipolar cycle started. And it will only end when I remove this pernicious idea from my mind, which will require a lot of introspection.