This is the exact opposite of my experience. The more of an asshole I've turned into, the more successful I've become and noticed that people listen to me more.
I would write a pretty article about it but sadly I don't give a fuck.
I actually find your post very interesting. It's written in a manner that confirms exactly what you say. On a scale of "empath" to "sociopath", I feel like I am much closer to an empath. And I find that it causes a lot of problems in my life: constantly worrying over what others are thinking, always trying to please everyone, obsessing over the way I construct emails and social exchanges. It's really a drag.
Occasionally I feel envy for people with sociopathic tendencies. How nice it would be to only worry about what makes yourself happy.
I've come to the conclusion though that for the most part, someone's level of empathy is mostly physiological/genetic and there's little I can do to change that. If I tried on purpose to care less towards others, I'd probably start feeling sick/guilty -- a biological reaction that I wouldn't be able to suppress.
I think that being a sociopath and practicing empathy are not mutually exclusive (although I understand that in your case or most cases, empathy probably drives away the sociopathic tendencies). From what I understand, empathy is merely the notion of understanding perspectives other than your own. A sociopath who holds contempt toward a point of view could possibly benefit herself by practicing empathy. Empathy just another means of obtaining information about the world around you.
My point is obfuscated by the fact in many contexts the word "empathy" and "empath" are intended to involve not only the person practicing empathy, but also the interaction with the person to be understood.
What it boils down to is that you can understand what people are feeling and still decide to disregard them.
You are right. Empathy and sociopathy, though both rather ill defined, do not sit at opposite ends of the same spectrum.
As a child, I was highly empathetic, caring, and frequently overwhelmed by others’ emotions. As an adolescent, I did a face-heel turn and became very manipulative, frequently lying, gaslighting, and emotionally abusing others.
But now it’s the positive aspects of both; I don’t feel emotions very strongly but am quite empathetic toward others, accommodating their needs with perceptive and manipulative skills honed by an adolescence of (frankly) sociopathy.
Being entirely self-serving gets old, actually. There’s not really any challenge in picking pockets or getting laid.
Being an asshole works in the short term. Being empathatic works in the long term.
A CEO can screw his shareholders in the short term. A CEO that takes care of his shareholders does well in the long term.
You can stiff a restaurant and run out on the tab. Helps your pocketbook. But you can never come back.
In essence, being an asshole helps in one round prisoner's dilemma games. Life is about repeat games. Cooperation, and putting yourself in the other person's shoes, is what it's all about.
This works for you because you live in a society where a significant majority of people are trying to be nice towards other people. Because you choose to ignore the social contract of "let's all try to be nice" you can circumvent the drawbacks of that agreement. If everyone actively pursued your approach, however, we'd be in a mess. Also if you encounter another asshole, it becomes survival of the fittest. And again because you live in a "nice" society chances are the other asshole doesn't have a lot of experience at being an asshole. But sooner or later you come across a colder and smarter son of a bitch than you.
This will change when you're a bit older. Not everyone else's perception, mind you, but your perception that they listen/appreciate you being an asshole. Their perception will be the same it is today (which, in the asshole case is mainly pretending they accept you so you can shut up quicker). :-)
Not really. I mean they act upon it. I used to be the empathetic good guy, but since the transition, my income has sky rocketed, I feel less pressure and my health has improved.
Being an asshole takes some work and exercise too. All I'm saying is that I'm very surprised by the conclusion this article makes and would definitely suggest the opposite to the very few I care about.
> I used to be the empathetic good guy, but since the transition, my income has sky rocketed, I feel less pressure and my health has improved.
Perhaps I'm extrapolating to the great extreme, but seeing this comment(especially the health part) I think what you used to be wasn't empahtetic good guy but rather a general good guy who can't say no. If this assessment is correct I think you've 'turned'(to your own diction) into not an asshole, but a self-assertive guy who can say no. That's somewhat different from being an asshole.
Though it may seem like an assholery, it generally is not.
Not too surprised, but I think this is just one data point based on the situations and environment you're in.
I can definitely think of places where coming across as too empathetic makes one appear weak, and coming across as an asshole who has a plan and is going to make it happen (regardless of trivialities like feelings) makes one appear like a leader.
On the other hand, I tend to avoid them wherever possible, as I find this setup toxic to my own strengths and empathy.
I would write a pretty article about it but sadly I don't give a fuck.