Hey, if we're on the topic of a Valentine's Day thread, I figure I'll ask a question that's never been worth an Ask HN: how do you start-up people deal with relationships when you spend a lot of your time intensely focused on the work you're doing or want to do?
For good friends, you've got to put the effort in and block out the time, otherwise you'll always make excuses and say "I'm busy".
With women, (I'm 22) I don't really care at this point. If a confident girl comes along that fully understands the sacrifices and lower attention she'll get to make a business successful, then great.
The demands of a startup have to be somewhat similar to a baby. It needs you just about 24/7, can't do anything on its own, and needs the full support and unselfish attention of both parents.
If a girl is going to be constantly upset because the "baby" is getting more attention than her, she'll figure out really fast that she's got two choices - leave or help out. Obviously that's tough when you're trying to get to know someone, so for now I enjoy the lack of obligations to make a good relationship happen.
Keep in mind that I'm not in a startup yet, but I have worked in several intense jobs and professions in the past. It is my opinion that you should never regularly put in more than 10 hours a day except for the occasional short crunch period. It is also my opinion that one day per week should have no more than 4 hours of work in it. That should give you a few hours for dinner and a movie on a fairly regular basis.
I just don't think it's valuable to put in more time than that in the long run. Does anybody disagree?
I'm not in a startup either, but my thought has always been, you put as much effort in as interests you. The goal is to get an idea good enough to make you want to obsess over it.
I guess my problem is that I keep hoping I'll meet a girl who feels the same way. Every girlfriend I've had has been less intense (I think that's the word I want?), and as a result when I get into these moods where I want to write for 8 hours straight, or code like mad, or whatever, she doesn't understand. And then, in turn, they never have these moments that I do, where you pour yourself into something and suddenly have something magical and your own.
I hope there're girls like that: I've met a few guys like that, but never girls. A guy can dream, I guess.
