I understand what you mean. I more mend it, for the people from the outside, who sometimes, so easily, make their judgements and come with their advice.
Although I live in a rather liberal country, the choices are still rather limited. The general approach for people with dementia who are accepted in a care home is palliative care: focus on their well-being, not on extending or shortening life. But there is some room for movement, although the final decision is always in the hands of the responsible physician. For example, as family (or personal representatives) you may indicate that you wish that the administration of antibiotics should start as soon as an infection is suspected or delay it as long as possible, instead of it being administered only to relieve discomfort. We decided for palliative care. But still I felt that there were moments, when choice were made to extend her life. Not with respect to medical treatment, but with respect to feeding her. She was given special high-energy drinks and especially in the last half year, a lot of effort was made to feed her. For example, when she was too tired during a meal time, they would try to give it at another moment. Yet, I felt that I did not have the moral right to interfere or to even bring up the issue. I have respect for the manner in which the decisions were made by her physician and the people who took care for her. Although it was hard to go through the experience, in the end I was at peace with my decision to not to interfere and basically let the professionals make the decisions. But maybe my situation was much easier than yours, because my wife long ago had lost the faculty to know that there were any decisions to be made.
Although I live in a rather liberal country, the choices are still rather limited. The general approach for people with dementia who are accepted in a care home is palliative care: focus on their well-being, not on extending or shortening life. But there is some room for movement, although the final decision is always in the hands of the responsible physician. For example, as family (or personal representatives) you may indicate that you wish that the administration of antibiotics should start as soon as an infection is suspected or delay it as long as possible, instead of it being administered only to relieve discomfort. We decided for palliative care. But still I felt that there were moments, when choice were made to extend her life. Not with respect to medical treatment, but with respect to feeding her. She was given special high-energy drinks and especially in the last half year, a lot of effort was made to feed her. For example, when she was too tired during a meal time, they would try to give it at another moment. Yet, I felt that I did not have the moral right to interfere or to even bring up the issue. I have respect for the manner in which the decisions were made by her physician and the people who took care for her. Although it was hard to go through the experience, in the end I was at peace with my decision to not to interfere and basically let the professionals make the decisions. But maybe my situation was much easier than yours, because my wife long ago had lost the faculty to know that there were any decisions to be made.