Merely a comment on modern online dating in which, each person optimizes according to their selection criteria vs what they can realistically get and ghost people if they find better matches. There are even terms describing phenomena of this bent like "serial monogamy"
You're going to have to expand on this, as this isn't what I see at all, and I've been dating online for a long time.
People definitely are trying to optimize what they can get, I'll agree, but that's no different from pre-internet dating. People have always tried to optimize what they could get in a dating partner, usually men for appearance, and women for paycheck. As for ghosting, I've certainly seen that, but that's usually something you experience very early on, even before you first meet someone (at which point it's kinda hard to call it "ghosting" if you've never even met them). I frequently have women match up with me, and then never respond. These people I suspect are just seeing how many matches they can acquire, and then choosing from the ones that interest them the most and leaving the rest in the queue in case they're bored one night and want a date. Usually, it's "ghosting" when you've been dating someone a while and then they suddenly disappear. I wouldn't blame that on online dating, that's just bad modern behavior, and can happen regardless of how two people initially meet.
As for "serial monogamy", again, this is just modern behavior, as opposed to 50+ years ago when divorce was uncommon and taboo. If you have different partners in your life, but you're monogamous with them while you're dating them, that, by definition, is "serial monogamy". I don't really see how that's a bad thing, unless you don't think people should ever get divorced (which means you support people staying in abusive or miserable situations), or you're trying to push for polyamory to become normal. It's just unavoidable.
I'm not the OP but I have noticed something while not new to online dating, something that online dating (and perhaps social media) has accelerated.
For most people the list of people that would have sex with you is longer than the list of people who would seriously date/marry you. This is especially true of women but is also true with men. The commitment of dating someone has a number of social implications that don't exist in a semi anonymous one night stand. Previously an individual had to go out to a bar and luck upon someone who was willing to have casual sex (and sometimes that turned into a relationship) now you can effectively visit every bar in town in a few minutes, several times a day. Due to the nature of this and social media perfectionism I believe that individuals are setting the bar for mates higher than is reasonable in contrast to what they have to offer. They equate the attractiveness (this isn't just physical, it also includes personality type and other factors) of one night stands with level of attractiveness they would acquire in a relationship.
Due to this many people have unrealistic standards, after a time they choose to "settle" and have dysfunctional relationships due to the fact they perceive themselves as "settling" as opposed to choosing a mate on a equal footing. Had those one night stands been more difficult to acquire, the bar may of not been moved so high and they may have more functional relationships down the road.
Just a theory of course, but something I'm been noticing.
I'm not following; are you saying that it's easier to have a ONS now? Maybe I'm too old or not skilled at that or something, but in my age group (I'm dating 30-45yo women) I've had tons of 1st dates, but I've only come across maybe 1 or 2 women who I think I could talked my way into bed with for a ONS (and I wasn't interested). All the women who date me definitely seem like they're looking for a new husband. And they frequently seem to have ridiculously high standards there.
> I'm not following; are you saying that it's easier to have a ONS now?
I'm married man, but I grew up when online dating just started, when I was in high school we used AIM to meet girls. I would meet up with girls in different school districts that I would of never met a few years prior. I'm told from young men a bit younger than I that's it's even easier than that now. Highly attractive young men can not leave their house all day and still meet several new women sometimes from hours away. My feeling is that's going to have some sort of effect on the culture as those young people settle down into more stable relationships as often happens.
> I don't really see how that's a bad thing, unless you don't think people should ever get divorced (which means you support people staying in abusive or miserable situations)
You're conflating divorce to remove oneself from an abusive situation with remarriage. I happen to think that remarriage after divorce is fine, but I can easily imagine arguments against it (here's one which leaps to mind, although I don't know if it's true: one's failure to marry well the first time is a strong predictor that one's future marriage will be poor as well).
>You're conflating divorce to remove oneself from an abusive situation with remarriage. I happen to think that remarriage after divorce is fine,
No, I'm not. Christian conservatives are frequently bemoaning how common divorce is, and pine for the "good old days" when people stayed married for life, ignoring the fact that not many of those marriages were very happy, and some were abusive, and this was simply accepted by society because divorce was considered so taboo.
I see; how does this relate to a story about what happens when the selection criteria is decided entirely outside of the control of the dating parties?
It was merely a point intended to express similarities between your scenario and what's happening in the modern world. I could see a scenario like the one you described playing out where if after a string of bad choices in this optimization problem, people leave the "deciding" up to a machine. And if that proves successful over a certain amount of people, society might start putting the power of relationships in the hands of machines and algorithms.
